If you reflect on your life, chances are that you experienced periods where you felt particularly successful or energized or fulfilled. Clients we work with in therapy often report that these periods were not necessarily the times when life was easy, but they were very clear around what their goal and direction was, on why they were doing what they were doing.
There is a growing body of research suggesting that ‘purpose driven’ people, those of us who are clear on why we are doing something, will perform better, will have more energy, more fulfillment and ultimately, we will be more successful in achieving the goal. This principle is well established in clinical psychology. Victor Frankl, the eminent psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor famously wrote in reference to how he survived over three years in concentration camps while those around him collapsed under the inhuman conditions, “Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how’. If you find a why, then you can bear any how”.
Sometimes the daily grind of our constant routines can cloud our view of our sense of purpose. The intensity of life can rob us of the time to pull the lens back and reflect on it, or we haven’t reviewed and renewed it as we transition through different stages of life. We often work with clients who aim to get out of the current predicament in which they find themselves (including uninspiring jobs, failed relationships, or social isolation), but the journey can feel overwhelming. If you find yourself with a strong desire to change some aspect of your life, here are some simple suggestions to figure out your sense of purpose and get you started on the journey:
Envisage your end goal, figure out what your ideal outcome looks like. Be creative, detailed, and indulgent here, you want your visualization to be as specific as possible. This exercise can take a bit of time to complete, so come back to it as needed. Often times our clients evolve or tweak their goals as they deepen their reflection on what is going to bring them fulfilment in the long run. Don’t be surprised if your goal looks a bit different after you complete this exercise.
Think through why you want to reach that goal. What does this mean to you? It doesn’t have to be anything deep and philosophical, but it needs to be sincere and to resonate with your values. Do you want to become a leader in your professional field? Then think why this is important to you, what unique contribution you can make to your function or your team, how can you uniquely be of service?
Once you are clear on the goal, consider what needs to change in your life to get you there. Again, this can take some thought and reflection. For example, the answer to the question around wanting a more successful career may not be to go out and look for another job on more money, it may be more useful to spend some time completing a review of what energizes and inspires you in your career, what plays to your strengths, and what are the experiences you have in your career that actually increase your energy levels rather than drain them. At this stage in the process clients are encouraged to think about will best support them in the long term.
Once you are clear on the goal and on the purpose of the goal, work backwards. What real, practical steps exist within your control to take you incrementally closer to that goal. Break it down as specifically as possible, into specific, action bound steps. What can you do this week, this month, this quarter to take you closer to that goal. Better still, write it down, there is substantial research that the odds of us achieving our goals increase dramatically if we commit our plans to paper.
Be radically honest, take accountability for the aspects of the goal that you can control, but be gracious about the parts of the goal that are outside of your control. This is a useful stage of the process to work with a Therapist or coach who can help you to reflect on your blockers. This could include the voice of your inner saboteur, that voice within most of us that tells us we don’t deserve the ideal outcome or that it won’t happen for us. A Therapist can also help you to explore the role of your shadow side, the feelings and desires that live mostly in your subconscious that we don’t often recognize and may even contradict or derail your conscious goals.
There is no one size fits all approach, and it is perfectly natural to bounce around these steps as we continually deepen clarity around our goals. Understanding our blockers, and our triggers for self-sabotage, is also an important piece of the puzzle. Wherever you are on this journey, take heart of the increasing body of research from Professor Angela Duckworth at U Penn, and other researchers, that identifies grit and resilience, the ability to just keep going and persevere towards our goals, as a huge predictor of success.
To summarize, figure out the goal, be clear on the why, and then commit. Lastly, enjoy the journey with it, after all a goal is just a dream with a deadline (Hill).
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